A weird looking Indian kid stepped up to me, shirt collar open at the neck, some weird little pendant hanging from a string of leather, and told me I was very lucky.
“What?” I replied. I had to look him over for a few seconds as it was a cold day and he didn’t look cold, I was wrapped up in a jacket and gloves with a ridiculous scarf wrapped round my face.
“I tell you sir, you are very lucky, you don’t know quite how lucky you are.” He then reached out and tapped me on the forehead, “Look me here, in the eyes.”
“What the fuck are you up to?”
“I beg pardon sir?”
“I said – what the fuck are you up to?” He had in his hand a small leather wallet, like a woman’s purse actually, quite feminine in his dainty little hand.
“I write on this piece of paper sir and then…”
“Whoah whoah whoah there laddy, I don’t know exactly what you’re doing but if it’s a magic trick you can stop right there. I aint your usual mug, I’ve been walking these streets for a while and I’ve seen every half assed street urchin parlour trick there is. So you may as well fold up your little piece of paper and put it back in your girly purse.”
“You are not interested in why you are lucky sir?”
“Listen, are you listening?” He looked at me like a hungry cow, “I am definitely not lucky.”
“But sir you have the mark.” Touching my forehead again. “You mean this mole, in the centre of my forehead?”
“Sorry chum, I’m a little busy, gotta shoot off now, good luck with the magic show.”
I started walking up towards Piccadilly station past the Ritz looking around for nothing at all when I noticed someone walking too damned close to me, of course it was him.
“You following me now are you bud?”
“Sir I need you to take this piece of paper, it is very important you take this piece of paper.”
“OK, give it here.”
He handed it to me with that expectant cow look again and I put it in my mouth, began to chew and looked at him with a smile on my face. “No sir! Please do not eat the paper! It is very important piece of paper, it holds the mysteries of your future. Are you not interested in the luck I can bestow on you.”
“Be my guest to pick the tiny pieces out of my shit.”
“You have a very strange attitude sir. In my home country people want to know their future.”
“Mate, I don’t want to know my future, I enjoy surprises, I would rather wake up with a bat in my mouth than be told I have a colony of flying rodents living in my loft.”
“You are a very strange man sir. Very strange indeed.”
“You’ve got a really untrustworthy face you know.”
“Beg pardon sir.”
“And you beg too much. You look like a right smarmy little fucker also, kinda look that would skin a cat, rob your mother, eat clams in a urinal.”
“What are clams sir?”
“Ask your mother.”
He looked so confused I thought he was going to cry so I took it as my cue to leave and left him standing in the cold staring at the floor trying to figure out what a clam was.